I’m going to take you on a single girl’s whirlwind experience of online dating so sit back and enjoy my *ahem* dating disasters.
Online dating is so popular nowadays that it’s pretty hard not to get involved in it in one way or another. If it’s just having a mess around on Tinder to actually putting consideration into it on Match.com.
I’ve had my fair share of incidents with online dating. I’m going to use the term ‘dating’ loosely throughout this because I wouldn’t even class some of it as dating. This is my run down of 3 of the main online dating experiences I’ve had.
I’ll start with Tinder. I’m not using any names because I know at least 2 of the lads that I’ve ‘dated’ online have public images and careers that need upholding.
My first proper Tinder dating experience came last year. We matched, started talking about jobs/uni/life, you know small talk and we came to realise that we were actually really similar. We were both geeky with a love of Lord of The Rings, we had similar music tastes and thought Jurassic Park was awesome. We went on talking for several weeks, during this time things had started to advance, we were texting, Facebooking, snapchat (not sure I could make myself sound like a more stereotypical 21st century girl here)
He then went to America. I took advantage of the time difference and asked him on a date, realising that he’d get it way after I sent it and I would be able to try and forget about it (yea right, it totally ate away at me the entire day until I got my reply) He said yes naturally and we arranged everything for when he got back. We went on a first date to see Jurassic World and then went out for drinks before losing track of time and ending up stranded in Newcastle at 1am. It was still one of the best dates I’d had.
The second ‘date’ wasn’t so well planned. He was a student and I wasn’t so he didn’t have much money and asked me to go to his house for a movie day (that was my first mistake). Things naturally went the way of every one of these situations. I went away the next day, feeling shitty that I had let myself lose control and get caught up in the moment but he reassured me that it was fine and it wouldn’t happen again.
After I returned, he started ghosting. Now, if you’ve never been ghosted, you’re very lucky and I’ll explain what it is. The other person just decides that instead of acting like a mature adult and saying ‘I don’t feel the same way, sorry’, they ignore your existence, avoid your messages and generally act like a total child. This leads to the other person, normally the girl, stressing out, trying to work out what they’ve done wrong, obsessing over it until they break.
I heard from him several months after this. He wormed his way back into my life (and like the idiot I am, ignoring my friends advice to leave well alone, I let him) and did the entire saga all over again.
But did I learn my lesson? Nooooooooooooo, of course I didn’t.
My second Tinder dating experience came with a total hottie. Racing driver, family orientated, career driven, just my type. He wasn’t from the North East, he was just visiting but we totally hit it off over our mutual love of racing. We talked for months, his work schedule was hectic and very hit/miss so we talked when we could.
We moved from Tinder to Whatsapp, a messaging service I have a love/hate relationship with. See, the problem with it is that you can see when someone has last been online and when they’ve read your message so it kinda drives you insane.
Things fizzled out. Noone’s fault. Shit happens.
My most recent online ‘romantic’ venture came via Instagram.
Another racing driver, geeky, funny, a total joy to talk to. I approached him. We talked for months. We arranged to meet up. He lives in London, I live up North. No biggie, my brother lives in London so I’ll come down, see you, see him and play tourist, it’ll be great. A few weeks before my trip, he starts getting distance. He’s reading my messages (we’d also progressed to texting, Whatsapp and Facebook) but not replying yet he’s all over Instagram, liking all this stuff and I’m sat thinking ‘wtf’. I eventually summon a reply from him and he says that me saying ‘I hope you’re not going to stand me up’ had put him on edge and he’d started freaking. Yea cool, I understand, I’ll back off and we go back to normal.
A couple of weeks before I go, he stops replying all together. I play it off, he’s busy, working and that, he’ll get back to me when he can. I go on Instagram, there he is. I go on Twitter, there he is. Still trying to play it off, he’s just updating them for work purposes. He’s read my messages a week after I sent them, still nothing. I panic, I start asking if he’s alright, what have I done, can we talk. Nothing.
Day I go down, still nothing. I text him to say I’ve arrived at my hotel, nout. I’m trying to keep my cool, telling my friends, family that I’m safe and we’re going to meet tomorrow otherwise they’d be coming to drag me home or sending a pity party.
First day, I’m positive, POSITIVE, that the sweet lad I was talking to for so long wouldn’t stand me up. He’d show, he knows I’ve travelled all this way, spent all this money for him, he wouldn’t be so heartless. I text him ‘going to the Natural History museum if you want to come’ Nothing. Told him when I got there. Nout. Told him when I went somewhere else. Nope. Nadda. He stood me up.
I’ve had horrible experiences in my life. I’ve been in an abusive relationship, I’ve watched my grandad die of cancer, my grandma slip deeper into dementia and my parents get divorced. I’ve battled anxiety and depression for years. And at that moment. That moment when I was stood outside of the museum, checking my phone and seeing he was all over Instagram. That was the worst moment that I have felt the worst because I was completely alone in a strange place, so far from home.
I’ve not stopped with it, if I’m honest but I’m very caution. I’m an open book when it comes to my life, good or bag things which often means that I scare lads off because they just can’t handle it.
If you’re going to date online, be careful. Not just about who you’re talking to, what you’re saying, if you’re sending pictures but also about how attached you get to these people. The ‘best’ thing for some people about online dating is the fact that they can talk to so many different people without the others knowing so if you’re dedicating your time to focus solely on one person, make sure they’re doing the same for you.
You deserve the best. Don’t settle. Go out and have fun by all means but be safe about it. Tell your friends where/when if you meet up with someone. They’ll worry, trust me.
Not all dating will be horror stories. Some will be dramas. One will be a fairy tale.
Hope you’ve enjoyed a glance into my interesting love life.